You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
