Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
