Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
