My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
