Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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