Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
