dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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