he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
