you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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