Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
