found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
