woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You are the jesus of drinking
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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