Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
