There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
