Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
