Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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