I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
