we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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