does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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