her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize