A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
