Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
