Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
