seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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