i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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