no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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