A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
