plz talk dirty to me
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
