he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
