laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
