Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
