I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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