I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
All the doctor said was why
false alarm, still single
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
