Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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