Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
