I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
