Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
