Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize