just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
