Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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