lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
