She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
