You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Every concussion has its silver lining
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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