census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
