Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize