I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
