Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
