Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
