I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
