So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
