he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
