God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
