So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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