i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
