he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
