the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
