Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
