Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize