Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
vagina is talking i cant
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
