we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Come see our sink grown plant.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
