this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
