I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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