I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
