i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
