There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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