So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
