Your tits are I can't wait for
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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