I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
