Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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