omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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