Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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